


The United States of Stupidity

by Sadie_The_Fangirl



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers, Statetalia
Genre: American Football, Awesome Prussia (Hetalia), Brothers America & Canada (Hetalia), Brothers Germany & Prussia (Hetalia), Florida Is a Dick, Honey Nut Cheerios, Illegal Activities, Moonshine, Multi, Self-Insert, State/Country, Tennessee is a cutie we stan, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, United States, University of Florida Gators, tennessee is legit me, the consumption of cheerios
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:55:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27894937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sadie_The_Fangirl/pseuds/Sadie_The_Fangirl
Summary: Tennessee and Florida hate each other.Alabama and Texas are gay and dating.And their caretaker hides them from the other nations.Of course, Florida fucks shit up.Between a mansion holding 49 bedrooms inside, Alaska and Hawaii's both outside, A fuckton of cheerios, a stripper pole right in the FUCKING MIDDLE OF THE HOUSE for Bama, and Good ol' Ame moaning a Russian's name, Life is chaos for the states.NOTE: The states aren't related to America or each other.
Relationships: Alabama/Texas (Hetalia), America/Russia (Hetalia), Germany & Prussia (Hetalia), Germany/North Italy (Hetalia), South Italy/Spain (Hetalia)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	1. The First Party...

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [America's States](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27846102) by [neat12feet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/neat12feet/pseuds/neat12feet). 



"Dammit, Gator-Bitch, you KNEW we weren't gon' get back by Ame's curfew. I can't believe you dragged us to that God-awful Halloween Eve Party. The NATIONS are gon' have a better one Tomorrow. Bless that one girl's heart, she got fuckin' GANG RAPED, y'all!

"Oh shush it, Moonshine, and kiss my ass. Maybe you'll see what it's like to have one instead of just tits."

Tennessee stopped, and aimed her bat at Florida's knees, striking. 

Tennessee, full name Lydiia Jamie Teniscene, had a large chest and broad shoulders, but a smaller, flatter build everywhere else. She had tan skin, since she was a Native to America and her eyes were a light gray with orange swirls. Nobody knew how the hell that was even possible. She had orange, shoulder-length hair with white streaks and a Power T-shaped ahoge on the side of her head. It was side-swept and styled like Prussia's. She wore a small German Cross necklace that she stole, and I mean legit broke into his house and stole, from Prussia. She had a fangirl-like crush on him, and admired him more than she should have as an American State, let alone a Southern one. But if a Tennessee man can dip his goddamn dick in a random woman's salsa then she can have a crush on Prussia.

Florida screamed in pain, Texas and Alabama laughing at him.

Florida went by Noah Edward Ashet, and was tall and tan. He was Louisiana's boyfriend, and Alabama was his best friend. Noah has longer hair, always tied into some sort of man-bun thing. It's supposedly super fluffy, according to Louisiana. He has sharp teeth, and Orange and Blue streaks throughout his blond hair. His eyes were blue. He has a few tattoos on him, one of which being a Mickey Mouse Head, another, on his back, the Florida Gators emblem. He's also a bit of a perv, and has a love for a drugged up, alcohol-ridden, and carefree lifestyle. He goes to local parties all the damn time with his boyfriend, who always keeps him from going too crazy. On those nights, the house can't sleep AT ALL when the two of them get back. Goddamn, Louisiana is a loud moaner. Ever heard of a ball gag? That should shut him up. 

"Baby Doll, are you alright? Tennessee, don't do that!"

Louisiana's name is Louis DeVante McKenny. He was a little taller than Noah, and was African-American. His hair is jet black, and he has mid-back length dreads. He's the type of guy that people stare at when he walks by, and some girls cry when they find out he's gay. He reminds people of Sodapop from the book ´The Outsiders´ in the sense that people stop and stare at him. He loves Jazz music with all his heart, and when in toxic or racist situations, he runs to Florida since a blond white guy has less of a chance of being arrested when fighting in self-defense. He's really sweet to his siblings until they hurt Noah. And by God is he able to handle drinks. A lot of them. He has a high pain tolerance, which helps with Florida's...drunken shenanigans.

“things are starting to get heated with y’all. You two should really sort things out. Right, Bama?”

Texas, or Joey Antonio Francisco, is, well, a perv. An absolute perv. He loves being an absolute dumbass, and he's constantly looking for attention.  
anyway.

Joey is very muscular, and bigger than all of them. He was also, supposedly, violent when it came to...yea. Like, France started selling sex toys as a joke, and Texas buys all of them. ALL. OF. THEM. His hair is black and messed up from so many things, and he has a bit of stubble. Before he got with Alabama, he stayed on Grindr all the time. It was sad, honestly. He'd bring his next hookup to the house and keep everyone up, then push them out and repeat every night or so. Alabama changed him for the better. It's obvious Joey loves him more than he would ever love the hookups.

" _ **Hey...**_ ** _Da-_** "

"I swear to God Almighty i will beat you both if you fuck out here."

"Sorry, Tenn... _ **So...Da-**_ "

"DON'T START THAT KINKY SHIT EITHER!! Y'ALL NASTY."

Alabama goes by Dixie Alex Wright, and isn't a femboy, but isn't...not one? He has messy brown hair and _luscious_ Sideburns. He's too much of a bottom to even be called one at this point. According to Texas, he can, "Suck cock like it's the only reason he lives", which is disturbing. He's like Harry Potter but "The Boy Who Lived To Suck Cock." He's a tiny bit taller than the others, but so much shorter than Texas its funny. He loves Country music, and he plays fiddle. 

"So, y'all up for a race to the house? No skates or vehicles or anything. This is a foot-race."

"I'm down"

"Same."

"Mhm!"

"sure.."

"Alrighy....3....2....1.....GO!!"


	2. Prussia!~

Tennessee sat on her bed, holding her raccoon plushie. She tightly clutched her photo of Prussia, shirtless, of course. Big Brother Ame told the States to stay in their rooms during meetings unless they had to leave. Tennessee was trying not to pass out from a lack of food with her strange fantasies circling her mind. She stood up, nearly falling over her backpack that was in the floor, and walked out her door. She walked to the kitchen and, leaning on the counter, heard the door to the meeting room open.

Shit.

She looked at the person leaving the meeting room...Prussia. It's fucking Prussia. She stopped and stared at him, and the albino looked at her with confusion.

"Oh God...you ain't supposed to know about me..."

"What? Who the Hell-"

"I'm...a state. A U.S. St-State..."

Lydi grabbed a McDonald's burger out of the fridge and heated it, staring at Prussia. This is the first time she heard his voice.

"I didn't think America's states had personifications...He said they didn't-"

"Well we do. And we were doing fine hiding out til YOU found Tennessee."

A boy stepped around the corner. He was wearing a black hoodie and purple duct tape went over the top of the sleeves. The symbol from the ARG DarkHarvest00 was on the front of the hoodie. There was a machete on his waist and it was soaked in blood. His feet were warmed by Friday The 13th slippers. His red eyes were lined with black and red undertones. He had white bleached hair that was extremely curly. 

"New Jersey, don't be such a bitch to him!"

New Jersey's human name was Heath Iero Touya Jennings. He has a terrifying aura to him, and he loved anything scary. He was VERY close to Maryland, Illinois, and other states with horror movies taking place in them. To him, any state with terrible horror movies taking place in them was a disgrace to horror. He also loved so-called emo music; Ohio, Illinois, and Utah are the other members of his Emo Quartet. 

"Shut it, Tenn. This fucker should keep his mouth shut about us if he wants to live."

"I swear to God if you hurt him I'll fucking kill you, Jennings."

"Yo, dudes! What's going on out here? I can hear you from...inside...the meeting room..."

America stood in shock, staring at Prussia, then his states. 

"Shit. Prussia, I didn't even realize you left. Goddammit, please don't tell the others...they were supposed to be a secret. Only Canada knows about them..."

Tennessee stepped back, getting her burger and a bottle of whisky, despite being underage.

"I give up. Jersey, wanna get drunk and talk about our shit life choices?"

"Hell yeah. Hey, remember the Atomic bomb you made?"

"Bitch, how could i FORGET the atom bomb?? It exploded the Japs asses down into hell!"

The two of them laughed it off like a dumb joke, before Prussia placed a hand on Lydia's shoulder.

"I feel like I've seen you before. Near my house.''

Fucking shit God almighty

''No you ain't. Anyway, Bye!''


End file.
